The Smallest Current Coin

They tell you that these are the best days of your life. And in a way, “they” are right. You’ll go through some of the biggest ups and downs of your life over the course of four short years. As Newton so aptly states, with every action there follows an equal and opposite reaction. You’ll face stressful times; high school will throw more in your face than you’ve ever experienced before. There will be heartbreaks, there will be disappointment, and there will be regret. Regret for not making the most of your time here. Personal experience guides me when I tell you that you must make the very most of your high school career, because if you don’t you’ll look back and wish you could change it. However hard you may try, hindsight will always be 20/20, and you will never be able to go back on these “best days.” So if there is one piece of advice I can give you, it is to make the most of your time here, as I wish I had.

However, here’s a secret “they” don’t want you to know. Although you may believe that these truly are the best days of your life, they are, in reality, only the beginning. Because the moment you walk across that stage and are handed your diploma, you begin a new life; a life full of opportunities and new challenges to overcome. Life is so fond of throwing curveballs, and they can put you on the ground, even though they may very well be the very pitch you were looking for. So step forward in the batter’s box of life, take a deep breath, and fire the ball right back in life’s face as a reminder that you won’t be kept down.

No matter where you are in life, you’ll always look back on high school and smile. And maybe even shed a tear; for the good times, for the bad times, for the fights, the breakups, and everything you loved about growing up in a small town. You may say now that you can’t wait to leave Cheboygan and experience a new life, a life you alone are in control of. But there will always be the days that you’ll look back on and wish you could return to the simple days of high school. So do what you can, with what you have, where you are, and never forget this small town you once called home.

Do not be afraid to try things that will make you great. Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them. If you are not “born great,” achieve it. Always remember that the greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure. So try everything. Get involved as I wish I had. Don’t be afraid to state your opinion. Nosce te ipsum – Know yourself. Know what you believe in and stand strong against the crowd, and avoid being a lemming. Shel Silverstein once wrote “all the Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas layin’ in the sun, talkin’ ‘bout the things they woulda-coulda-shoulda done… But all those Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas all ran away and hid from one little Did.” So don’t be afraid to try new things. High school offers countless opportunities, and four years is too short a time to put off making memories. So during your short time here, you must be the change you wish to see in the world.

Do not merely be a “dreamer of the night.” For, all men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes to make it possible. Be a dreamer of the day – make your dreams come true. So go, advance confidently in the direction of your dreams, and endeavor to life the life you have imagined, and you will meet with success unexpected in common hours.

I would like to close with the best advice and most inspirational statement I have heard. In the words of Theodor Seuss Geisel, better known as Dr. Suess:

“You have brains in your head, you have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own and you know what you know, and YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have speed, you’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you’ll top all the rest.

And will you succeed? Yes! You will indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed!) Kid, you’ll move mountains, today is your day! Your mountain is waiting, so GET ON YOUR WAY!”

What If?

Lately a lot of “what if’s” have been racing through my mind. “What if I can’t handle college?” “What if I’m not successful?” “What if I’ve worked this hard, only to fall flat on my face and fail?” “What if things change?”

I’ve always been a worrier. As long as I can remember, I’ve always thought things down to the minute details, always considering, and preparing for, the worst of possibilities. I’m pretty sure it runs in the family. But now, more than ever, the “what if’s” are rearing their ugly face. Maybe it’s because of graduation looming in the distance. Don’t get me wrong; I’m excited to graduate. I’m excited to step into the “real” world. I’m excited to meet new people and experience things on my own, but I also feel this fear. Fear that once I’m out of the safe haven I call high school, that I won’t know what to do with myself.

I’ve never been a big fan of change. I like staying in my little protective niche. I don’t like venturing beyond these boundaries of my home, of school, of my small little life here in this small little town. I’m afraid that, once things change, I won’t be able to keep up and I’ll fall. Hard. And most of all, I’m afraid of failure. Failing to achieve those lofty goals I’ve set for myself during my time here. I’m afraid that, if I should fail, that I won’t maintain the sense of pride others have placed in me. That I will be unsuccessful in my ventures into this strange new world. That I will lose the respect I have worked so hard to achieve. And I’m afraid that, once lost, that there will be no way to regain it.

I’ve always worked hard. Mainly to prove to myself that I can be better, that I can always do better. And here in my miniscule world, I have held this true. But I fear that once I leave this place of comfort, that I will no longer be able to complete this goal. I have gained the respect and pride of many, but I fear that my failure is imminent and I will lose all that I have worked so hard to achieve. Because the real world is nothing like this place I call home.

I fear that I will fail, now more than ever. And I feel that if I do, I will be letting so many people down. And I fear this the most. I’ve always been a people pleaser. I work hard in order to show people all that I can be; and it seems that I have succeeded at this. However, with my future fast approaching, I fear that I will no longer be able to do so with the success that I have in the past prided myself on. “The future is not a result of choices among alternative paths offered by the present, but a place that is created--created first in the mind and will, created next in activity.” I know that I have created my future, both in my mind and in my will, but what if I fail? What if this creation that I have carefully sculpted all of my life blows up in my face, and I’m left in the cold, on my own, lost in this crazy world without any idea of what I should do? I fear this.

“Let others lead small lives, but not you. Let others argue over small things, but not you. Let others cry over small hurts, but not you. Let others leave their future in someone else's hands, but not you.” I will hold my own fragile future in my feeble hands, and do everything I can to not fail. But I know that no matter where I go, that feeling, that worry, those “what if’s?” will follow me.

I will lead no small life. I will be great. I will be known. I will be the change I wish to see in the world. It is this that is my mantra, my nindo, my peace, and my comfort. These words are my protection against the terrible reality of this world I am about to enter into. And I tell myself this every day. And I fear no more. (For the time being of course)

Three Months

I sat down today and realized something. In three months, my high school career will be over. In three short months, I will be a high school graduate. I will no longer be considered a high school student. And I thought to myself “holy shit. Where has time gone?”

When I look back, it seems like only yesterday I was sitting in my kindergarten classroom, scared beyond all belief at the idea of not knowing anybody. But I made friends, friends I still have to this day. And then came the move. In fourth grade I switched schools, and that overwhelming feeling came back. “I don’t know anyone. What if I never make friends?” these thoughts ran through my head constantly. And quite honestly, I don’t know how I made it through. But I did. And I made friends.

With the coming of middle school came the same feelings. People who I played with in elementary school were no longer in all of my classes. I didn’t see them on a regular basis. And I was forced to peek my head out of my shell and survey the world around me. And with my straining and my feeble attempts, somehow, I found my friends; new friends. Ones I could associate with, ones who seemed much like myself. And throughout the tumultuous years of middle school, I carried many of these friends with me. But deep in my heart I knew they would not do so for long.

High school. Freshman year. Possibly the worst year of my schooling. The friends I thought I would have forever were slowly drifting away into other, more appropriate and fitting groups while I was slowly becoming more and more withdrawn. But slowly, ever so slowly, I came out from my shell and this time, I decided that this damn thing was too cramped, and I discarded it forever.

Now when I look back on these days, and the days that followed, I smile. But a small part of me is sad. Sad because I know that there were MANY things that I could have done, things that would have made memories that would last a lifetime, that I chose not to do. And that makes me sad. But I know that the memories that I did make would take up pages upon pages to write, and frankly, for all who know me, this is patience I simply don’t have. But I know that I have changed in my thirteen years of school. Some for the worse, but much, much more for the better – in my opinion anyway.

But now when I look at my classmates, I realize something. On graduation day, when Pomp and Circumstance is playing in the background and I stand up to receive my high school diploma, I will hold no regrets about my time in school. I have learned much along my path, teaching anyone I could along the way. I have made many, many new friends, and still hold several old ones who I can trace my association with back to my first days of kindergarten. I am not the same shy, skittish boy who entered the doors of the classroom ever so skeptically. I am a very different man. And of that I am proud.

So now, as scholarship applications are being completed (which I’m supposed to be doing now) and graduation announcements are being formatted and distributed, I find myself in a familiar place. Afraid. Afraid that, come college, I won’t know anyone. That I won’t fit in. And then, a small voice comes into my head. “So what?” and I find comfort in these words. Because I know that despite my worries and fears of not fitting in, I know that I will. And this comforts me. I also know that even though the miles will be great between my friends and me, that they will never cease to be just that – my friends.

So now, looking out over this new horizon, I find myself inspired to march onward because I know that my friends will always be there beside me, marching on with me, by my side, encouraging me, and giving me the strength and courage to move on.

In three short months I can no longer call Cheboygan Area High School my school. But I will always remember those who traveled this long and winding road by my side.